Since we focused on details, and rated them as good, better, or best for other papers, each person should reread their draft and decide what details need improvements on the following criteria:
1. sensory details instead of concepts -
ex - "well dressed" becomes - "wore a new pair of white running shoes and a SF Giants hat"
2. better vocabulary - use more complex vocabulary that really defines particular details
ex - "spoke like she knew what she was talking about" becomes "spoke with confidence"
3. All details promote the general theme of the piece. Avoid using extra details that do not add to the overall importance of the person.
ex - "he was a golfer in his spare time" may be dropped altogether, unless the piece is about teaching you the game, about his determination to do his best even at his hobbies, or that he made his living playing golf - teaching him many lessons about life along the way. Otherwise, the fact that a person plays golf is extraneous.
4. Besides better vocabulary, some details should utilize poetic use of language, metaphor, or compare and contrast between details that may show a difficulty the person had to overcome.
Of course, details should vary in complexity, but ALL must apply to the general theme or focus of the piece of writing.
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